Why Have I Become so Distant?

I am weary, weak, and wanting change. For the past five years I have watched myself slowly slip away from the hands of our Father. I have denied Him; I have lacked faith in Him, and I have pushed Him out of my life. It does not seem so long ago that I had the joy and satisfaction of a close relationship with God. During personal struggles, I should have relied on His ability is be my strength, yet I turned away. As I was growing up, my mother, a religious woman, always had a genuine relationship with God. Having the innocence of children, my sisters and I followed in her footsteps. I became aware of the multi-faceted God we have. I willingly spent time in worship and prayer and became very close to my maker. Although my father, an alcoholic, created many terrifying nights filled with anger and hate, I continued to rely on God and stay close to Him. While my father’s alcoholic behavior persisted, I was getting older and moved into a period of my life where I becoming more socially active. Worldly influences easily satisfied my need for acceptance since my father had denied me so many times. I slowly moved away from God and involved myself in the drug world, sexual intimacy, and other illegal activities. As I aged I created a dependency on illicit drugs. I have now cleaned up much of my life, but not to the extent I would like. My father’s behavior continues, and I still involve myself in unhealthy activities, yet now I am yearning for someone or something to bring me back to God. This is because I know I need to change and that I need Him more than ever.